What I wish your dad had said to you

I'm sorry that your dad didn't stick around.  I'm sorry if you never got to know him.  I'm sorry if your dad physically stuck around but emotionally left.  I certainly don't know your circumstance or where you came from.  Even if I did know those things I don't think a person can ever truly understand what is going on in someone else's head.

I wish there was more that I could do.  I mean that.  Almost every single time that I get to do a good "dad" thing I think about it.  I think about you and what you didn't have.  I thought about it when I took my oldest daughter to pick out some clothes at goodwill.  She complained that she wanted some new clothes from a popular store.  I kept putting her off.  I put her off for at least an hour and 2 or 3 goodwills.  She kept persisting.  I finally just told her, "Honey, I'm sorry but we can't really afford to get you new clothes at that store.  Mommy and I have 4 kids and we have to buy several pairs of shoes this month.  The sport that you just started required an investment from us.  We need new tires and the AC went out just a month ago.  If we only had two kids you'd have better clothes.  It's embarrassing for dad to admit that.  I'm sorry honey.  I really would love to buy you better clothes, but just can't responsibly make that decision."  In all of her 12 year old wisdom she replied, "Oh dad.  I'm sorry I was complaining.  Why didn't you just tell me that?  I understand."  Yes, I thought of that.  I thought about you.  I wish your dad had the courage to tell you that.  I wish he had been there to teach you that lesson.  I wish he had helped you navigate life.

I think about you when I'm sitting in my chair watching some dumb show on Disney with one of my younger kids.  I think about it when I am encouraging a child who is having a hard time.  I think about it when I'm celebrating with ice cream because of an accomplishment that has happened amongst our kids.  I think about you.  I wish your dad would have said these things to you.

He didn't.  I'm sorry.  So here's what I wish your dad would have said to you.

1) You are the best thing that's ever happened to me.  You, your mom, and your siblings are my entire life.  I work so hard because I want to provide you with everything that you deserve.  Yes, you deserve those nice clothes.  You deserve that new video game system.  You deserve the family vacation.  I don't care about having a ton of money, but I want to be able to spend a ton of money on you.  Being called "dad" is the greatest title I could ever wish to attain and you gave that to me.

2) Dear daughter - you are beautiful.  If people tell you otherwise, well then they are just really stupid.  No man knows you as well as I do.  I have known you since you were in your mommy's tummy.  You were even cute back then.  You are perfect.  There is not one thing in your appearance that I would change.  Even if you like to wear those weird shoes that I don't understand.  If some boy doesn't like everything about you, than he doesn't deserve your time.  I like everything about your mom.  It's possible.

3) Son - you've got it.  You are the whole package.  You have everything it takes to change this world.  Take courage and don't let fear into your heart.  I believe in you.  I've seen you comfort a sick animal.  I've seen you cry when an injustice is committed in a television show.  I've seen your rage when someone is oppressed or bullied.  You have honor within you.  When people tell you that you aren't good enough, well, they're pretty stupid too.  Don't think that the highest calling of life is to have sex. It's not.  A real man rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects the greater reward.  You have all the making of being a better man than me.

4)  I get joy just from thinking about you.  The way you used to say "puffy" because your little lips couldn't form the word "puppy."  The picture that I keep in my memory of what you looked like running through the sprinkler.  I don't get joy where you think I get it.  Sure I care about your grades and accomplishments, but I love you because you are you.  I couldn't have made you any better.  That's why I complain when you start to dress like or imitate some celebrity or popular friend.  I don't care about them a fraction of how much I care about you.  Be you.  I love you.

5) You make me cry almost every day.  I know that I complain about how loud you are and what a mess you make in my vehicle, but I don't really care about that stuff.  For some reason, you are more important to me than I am to me.  There's pretty much nothing that can make me cry anymore.  Well, unless it has to do with you.  I can think about you and have tears rolling down my face before I even understand why.

You are good.  You are worth fighting for.  You are always on my mind.  You have the keys to my heart.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

What about your real kids? The most effective way to completely ruin your family. A parable for the church.

Image
Let’s pretend that your family has decided to foster or adopt a child.  The child has been in and out of houses and families.  You’re a good person - so you want what’s best for that child no matter the cost to you.  You also believe that welcoming that child into your family is what’s best for your kids, your spouse, and your marriage.  You know it’s going to be super hard and you don’t know what the end result will be.  You are scared.  You are worried.  But you have committed to love this child so that this child will be able to have the best thing a person can have - unconditional love.  You want your family to grow in love and showing love to a child who needs it is the way to do this.  And baby you are the one who’s going to provide it.  It will cost, but you are ready for it.  You are willing to walk through the fire. So the day comes for that child to join your family.  They are dropped off at your house.  What do you do?  I’m assuming that you will have some sort of plan.
Read more

Palm Sunday and April Fool's Day

Image
1 Corinthians 1:18, “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” It is pure foolishness for Jesus to let himself be killed.  What good can he do when he is dead?  What miracles can he perform when he is dead? For so many people Jesus just comes off as dumb.  He is nice, but He is naive.  He doesn’t really understand the world. The teaching of the Bible is just too simple.  It’s too old.  It just doesn’t play in our world.  You cannot live like Jesus is really asking.  It’s being too fanatical.  It’s foolish.   The High Priest Caiaphas is right - we don’t need to know if Jesus really is God’s son or whatever He is claiming.  We need to make sure that we are secure politically and financially.  Jesus disrupts peace he doesn’t bring it.  They asked him to quiet down and Jesus said “no, you don’t understand.  These people are the one’s that get it.  Not you.  If you had any idea what I am d
Read more

Authentic Manhood - Expect the Greater Reward

This is the last in the Authentic Manhood list.  Robert Lewis' 4 pillars are: Reject Passivity Accept Responsibility Lead Courageously Expect the Greater Reward Moses was one who was looking to the greater reward.  Hebrews 11:24-26 states; "By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh's daughter.  He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time.  He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as a greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward." Moses traded the earthly reward for the heavenly reward.  He traded the immediate success for the long-term success. When I was in high school I drove a little 3 cylinder car called a Chevy Sprint.  It was tiny and would barely go 65 miles an hour.  One day someone pulled out in front of me and totaled my car.  It was sad.  I liked that little car because it was my first car.  My d
Read more

Mommy's got a baby in her tummy

Image
I like to do big things.  I like to take little moments and make way too much about them.  It doesn’t always work out well for me or those around me.  After I mow the lawn I will comment about how nice our yard looks about 100 times that day.  It’s not because I’m trying to draw attention to my work or that I am looking for praise, I’m just really captivated by how nice the yard looks when it’s freshly mowed.  I do the same thing with food.  I will talk about “that one meal” way too much, even to the point that I am annoying myself with it.  But I can’t stop making big things out of small things. Strike that. I want to be a dad, husband, and friend who makes things a big deal. So, when it came time for Mindy and I to announce to the kids that we were going to have a baby I knew that we had to do something fun.  We settled with having our friend take pictures of the moment when we told the kids so that we will be able to keep that moment alive forever in print.  I also thou
Read more

Authentic Manhood - Reject Passivity

In his book Raising a Modern Day Knight Robert Lewis's first principal of authentic manhood is Rejecting Passivity. It is very easy for me to be passive.  Standing up for what I believe is right does not come naturally for me. When faced with a tough situation or a lot of work my first reaction is to just keep my mouth shut and quit before I start.  The best things in my life have happened because I reject passivity and made a move. When I finally decided to follow Christ with all of my heart I knew I had to move from where I was.  I needed to get away from the town, those friends, and that life.  I needed an escape.  The only place I knew to go was to a camp in northern Minnesota that I went to as a high schooler.  Instead of just hoping for it or thinking that they wouldn't want me in the first place, I went for it.  I wrote them a letter and told them that I would do whatever it took to be up there for the summer.  If they would feed me and provide me a place to sleep I
Read more

Discouragement

Discouragement is a force in my life.  Most of the time I feel it hanging over me, making me slouch in my chair.  I can feel it in my stomach.  It warms the back of my neck.  It makes me feel so foolish.  It really makes me embarrassed to be me. Discouragement lies to me.  It lies so well.  It takes all of the things I’m good at and makes me ashamed of them.  If I’m great at meeting people - it makes me feel like a flake.  If I come up with an amazing idea - it makes me feel like a loser who could never actually pull it off. Discouragement yells at me to “shut up!”  I have nothing important to say.  Anything that I would say would just come across as dreams of a man with his head in the clouds or empty platitudes by a Pastor. Discouragement tells me that people can’t really change.  I am who I am and that’s all I will ever be.  That man over there will never be any better off than he is right now, no matter what I might say, do, or pray. I can never argue with him eith
Read more

Adoption Update: We're going to get him!!!!

Image
We got our visa approval early this morning.  That means that we are going to Uganda to get Silas, get his visa, and bring him home to the states!  Boom! Last night was absolutely horrible.  We had a board meeting at church that went very well.  So I came home in a great mood around 9:30pm.  Mindy was watching a movie with her friend.  After she left Mindy came in and told me that, unless we hear Friday (this) morning, there is no way that his visa will be ready in time to get him this month.  Then she reminded me that if we don't get him in the next 30 days we have a couple of major things expiring and we would be set back for a few more months. It was a dark night.  It was hopeless.  I can't stress enough just how hopeless everything felt last night. Then the email came this morning and it is CONFIRMED that the visa is approved and there is now no longer any obstacles to us bringing Silas home! It takes a lot of faith to follow God.  It takes faith to believe in God
Read more

Breastplate of Righteousness

Image
In our men's study last night we looked at the armor of God found in Ephesians chapter 6.  This is a very popular scripture for guys to study.  For good reason I think.  It's interesting.  It shows us a larger picture of reality than we are normally given.  It shows us that battle that is going on.  It shows us that the Kingdom of Heaven is, quite honestly, more real than the world that we see.  Time after time Jesus tells us that the kingdom of the world will fade away, but His kingdom will endure forever. In the battle that is happening at a cosmic scale we find a place.  What's the best way to win a fight?  Probably to not let your enemy know that there is a fight.  Satan has done an amazing job convincing many people and christians that there really is no "battle" happening.  From reading the Bible it is simply impossible to not realize that there is a battle happening. One of the pieces of armor that God has given us is the "Breastplate of Righteousn
Read more

From Cowden, IL to Jinja, Uganda: Silas' coming home trip!

Image
We picked up Silas from the Orphanage in Jinja for the last time today.  Our trip has gone very well so far. We left Cowden at 8:30am Thursday morning and arrived in Entebbe, Uganda at 10:00pm local time on Friday (that’s 2:00pm in Cowden).  So we travelled for a total of 29.5 hours spending 15 of those in the air (7hrs and 8hrs).  Needless to say we are not ready for the loooong trip home yet.  The entire time we were travelling I kept wishing that we had brought Grace, Will, and Eden.  We have seen so many things that they would have just loved. We arrived in Uganda Friday night and Mindy’s friends Wayne and Tarah picked us up from the airport.  It was nice to be back in Uganda but we couldn’t really see anything because of how dark it was.  Uganda isn't lit well :).  We got back to their compound and basically went straight to bed.  Their home is lovely and our room is very nice. We woke up this morning and went to get Silas.  The drive is about 90 minutes to two h
Read more

Authentic Manhood - Lead Courageously

This is part 3 in a 4 part series on a look at authentic manhood from Robert Lewis' book: Raising a Modern Day Knight . The third pillar of Biblical manhood is to Lead Courageously.  I'd like to point out first of all that it doesn't say "lead confidently."  There is a large difference between confidence and courage.  Courage is the ability to face your fears and not be paralyzed by them.  Courage is not the absence of fear.  It simply not being controlled by your fears. I lead with a lot of faith.  I place a lot of faith in people and a lot of faith in my own abilities.  I generally believe that everything will work out as long as we do our best.  I am not a visionary leader that sees things before they happen.  I hold fast to the maxim that "if we just do the right things over time we will succeed."  People around me generally have one of two reactions. Some people see that as a source of strength.  I worked with a lady in Omaha who would always
Read more