Discouragement

Discouragement is a force in my life.  Most of the time I feel it hanging over me, making me slouch in my chair.  I can feel it in my stomach.  It warms the back of my neck.  It makes me feel so foolish.  It really makes me embarrassed to be me.

Discouragement lies to me.  It lies so well.  It takes all of the things I’m good at and makes me ashamed of them.  If I’m great at meeting people - it makes me feel like a flake.  If I come up with an amazing idea - it makes me feel like a loser who could never actually pull it off.

Discouragement yells at me to “shut up!”  I have nothing important to say.  Anything that I would say would just come across as dreams of a man with his head in the clouds or empty platitudes by a Pastor.

Discouragement tells me that people can’t really change.  I am who I am and that’s all I will ever be.  That man over there will never be any better off than he is right now, no matter what I might say, do, or pray.

I can never argue with him either.  He wins every single time.  His comebacks are quicker than mine.

And his voice is so loud.  It’s so loud.  It’s louder than any other voice I’ve heard.  I want to yell back at him, but I fear that he is so often right.  

Discouragement is an overbearing master who won’t stop berating me.  Even worse - he speaks through my thoughts directly into my mind.  Worse yet - I wonder if I am the discouragement.  Am I so stupid that I’m doing this to myself?

When I am happy, discouragement is in the back of my mind.  When I am celebrating he comes to the party as a reminder that I will never completely succeed.  I will always fail even when I am succeeding.

Discouragement spends more time with me than my own wife and precious children.  I know him better than I know anyone else.  I hate him.  I live in fear of him.  Truth be said, he dictates much of what I do and what I say.  Even when I fight him I can only do it for others.  I can never fight him for my own cause.  I hate him.  I exhaust myself trying to defend or protect others from his rule.  But I am completely powerless to him.  He rules me.

When the Bible speaks of Satan as “The Lion who stalks the earth looking for someone to devour” I know how he has devoured me.  He has made me a slave to discouragement.

My only defense is to recognize that Discouragement is lying to me.  Jesus is the truth and the truth will set me free.  If Discouragement is shouting in my ears, I have to put Jesus’ words directly in front of me.  I have to think about the words of Jesus.  It’s my only hope and the only possibility I have of not being a slave to Discouragement.

This is why I read my Bible every morning.  This is why I pray every morning.  This is why I meet with a couple of Christian friends twice monthly.  This is why I am open and honest with my wife and my family.  This is why I am open and honest with the rest of our church staff and our elders.  Because if I don’t do these things - I stop seeing the truth of Jesus’ power and I am, once again, crushed under the weight of Discouragement.

I wonder how many other people have discouragement hanging over their heads at all times too.

I know that if you do, there is not very much that I can write.  I can write something that might make you feel a little better for a while.  But, if you are at all like me - Discouragement is just sitting there waiting to pounce.  I’d like to post a Bible verse to help you out.  I can’t do that.  I have too much respect for Discouragement’s power.  It’s real.

To be honest, I’m writing this to deal with my own discouragement.  I’ve found that putting it out there helps me to see reality.  If I let discouragement stay with me - I will be crushed.  If I allow other people to see him - he shrinks back and disappears.  He seems to be afraid of a group of people.  Not all the time!  No he will run wild through a group of people.  But he seems to get exposed as weakness when he hits a group of people who have studied Jesus.

This is really unbelievable, even to me, but He’s telling me not to post this.  I will anyways.


Here’s to us.  If you know Discouragement too.  Let’s lead a revolt against him.  Let’s expose who he really is - a lie.

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