What about your real kids? The most effective way to completely ruin your family. A parable for the church.

Let’s pretend that your family has decided to foster or adopt a child.  The child has been in and out of houses and families.  You’re a good person - so you want what’s best for that child no matter the cost to you.  You also believe that welcoming that child into your family is what’s best for your kids, your spouse, and your marriage.  You know it’s going to be super hard and you don’t know what the end result will be.  You are scared.  You are worried.  But you have committed to love this child so that this child will be able to have the best thing a person can have - unconditional love.  You want your family to grow in love and showing love to a child who needs it is the way to do this.  And baby you are the one who’s going to provide it.  It will cost, but you are ready for it.  You are willing to walk through the fire.

So the day comes for that child to join your family.  They are dropped off at your house.  What do you do?  I’m assuming that you will have some sort of plan.  If you don’t have a plan you at least have a set of values that you live by that will dictate your words and actions.

I’m assuming you will spend more time with that child, initially, than your kids that are already in your family.  You will allow that child more freedom and will accept much worse speech or behavior.  You will have more patience with that child.  You will pour more encouragement into that child.  You will sit on that child’s bed at night, every night, until they fall asleep and let go of your hand.  You will explain to your older children that they must change their lives in order to help this newer child.  Yes - it’s not fair.  No - you won’t get starbucks as much.  Yes - your life is taking on a greater meaning and yes, as your parent, I’m forcing you to grow.

Initially, you will spend more time with that child than your other children.

You probably won’t take that child into your home and say something like,

“Hey there.  Thanks for joining us.  Feel free to sit here and take it in.  I’m going to spend way more time with my real kids okay?  You can keep showing up for breakfast and dinner though.  You are totally invited for that.  Hey who knows?  Maybe over time I’ll start to care for you as much as I care for my real kids?  Right?  I guess we’ll just have to see where this goes.  At some point, maybe you will fit in with us and we’ll accept you.  But you will need to completely change in behavior, speech, dress, passion, dreams, and….well everything so you can be just like us.  Then we will accept you!  So won't that be neat?”

You probably won’t do that.  First of all you wouldn’t do that to a kid who needs love.  You wouldn’t do that to a kid who has no sense of security.  You couldn’t possibly treat a child like that right?

Secondly, what are you teaching your kids at that point?  You are teaching them to be brats.  You're teaching them that they are more important than other kids.  (Maybe read that again and see if you catch what I'm getting at their.  Do you really want your kids to think that they are better than other kids?)

One of the biggest questions I got when we were adopting was “Aren’t you worried about not being able to spend enough time with your real kids?”  I was also asked many questions akin to that one.  “Will you have enough money to take care of your kids and another kid?”  “Will your real kids have the same opportunities when you have to spread your money, your time, and your love thinner?”

Let me shift scenes....

Those questions are what ruins churches.  And by “ruins churches” what I mean is "questions and attitudes that make churches not actually churches", but nursing homes - nursing homes as in taking care of the “old christians (not biological age, but time spent as a christian)” and nursing the “baby christians” which, of course, are the exact same people.  Nursing Christians - the people who are inside of a church and want everything to be catered to them.  The people who don’t even think about others.  They are the protectors of tradition.  They are the preservers of the “way it’s always been.”  They could never understand changing something for a new person.  A person that's not even here!!!!!  A person who would never share their stuff with someone who has only been here a week.  A person who can't believe that a Pastor would talk to them when I've been a part of this church for decades!  They are the ones who look at the new people as though they are going to ruin things.  When in reality they are the ones who have already ruined the church.

I'll shift it back...

Has adopting and bringing in kids to live in my house as apart of my family ruined our family?  Yes.  We are ruined to the american dream.  We are ruined to selfishness.  Our hearts have been ruined.  They got bigger.  We’ve had to live outside of our little world.  We’ve had to see some of the pain and ugliness in the world.  We’ve had to become uncomfortable.  We’ve had to save less money.  We’ve had to buy clothes at goodwill.  We’ve had to…well…who cares.  It’s been a sacrifice.  Our family has been changed forever.  We will never be the same.  Ever.  We've changed.

And what have we gotten in return?  A bigger family.  More brothers and sisters.  Bigger lives.

There are a lot of people that need a church.  A real church.  Not a place that calls itself a church but is filled with people that aren’t church-ing.  A church like Jesus came to establish.  A church that shows love.

In order to be that church - we have to care more for those people who are on the outside than those who are on the inside.

When we adopted, I expected my kids to be mature and get involved in caring for that child as though he really was there brother.  You know what?  They did it immediately.  It’s been several years and I’ve never once heard, “I wish we never would have adopted him.”

If 3 kids under the age of 10 can do that - what’s wrong with the church?  Why do we get so upset when changes are made to reach people who need Jesus?  Why do we quit giving our money when the student ministry reaches more kids in the community?  Instead of getting involved in leading and teaching we get upset that the new people are bringing their kids to the children’s ministry and not volunteering in it.  Uh, shouldn’t the “insiders” be the ones to do that?

or….oh my....

Or worse yet, we are so consumed with the people inside of the church doors that we completely forget about those people who are outside.

I don’t think the problem with the lack of foster families is that they are worried that they don’t have enough room in their family for more kids - I think that they are just so consumed with those who are inside their doors that they don’t even think about those children who are outside. 

Are you a Nursing Christian?  Start thinking less about your rights and more about your responsibilities.  Do you really, actually want more people to find the unconditional love from God?  Then grow up and start handing out unconditional love from your Father.  Put the new person in front of yourself.  Even better - go looking for the new person.

Church is weird.  If you are "inside" the church you need to sacrifice for those "outside."  What do you get?  Well, you get ruined.  You get ruined to selfishness.  You get ruined to the american dream.  Your heart gets bigger.  You don't care as much about what you can buy.  You care more about how much love you can give.  You care more about people - even people you don't know.  Your life gets bigger.  Your life gets better.  Your church changes...constantly.  And every change excites you even more.

Maybe it's time to ruin your family.  Maybe it's time to ruin your church.