Parenting, responsibility, and blame
Can you judge a parent by the behavior of their child? I'm assuming you will say "yes." Can I judge you by the behavior of your child? I'm assuming that on some days you will say "yes" and on some days you will say "no." I'm assuming that, because I have four kids and I can see the looks and hear the whispers. Their are days when I want people to judge me based on my kids behaviors. Then there are days when I don't want people to judge me based on the behavior of my children. But most days, I could care less what anyone else thinks about the behavior of my kids or of my ever-changing parenting style.
Maybe there's a better question...
Why do you need to judge my parenting or the behavior of my child? Let me make another assumption here. If you judge parents and the behavior of their children you feel insecure in your own children and the rightness/wrongness or strength/weakness of your own parenting decisions and actions. I'm not saying that to mock you or make you feel bad. (This isn't a soapbox.) I'm saying that to ease your burden. As Elsa would sing, "let it go."
I am far more interested in guiding my children to find their strengths and their unique gifts, talents, and interests. I believe that my children will change the world. I don't mean that romantically. I mean that my children possess within them an inherent quality to make the world a better place wherever they end up being and however long they end up being there. Your's do too.
I am far more interested in helping my children understand the incredible gift that life is and want to take full advantage of it. In order to do that I want to help them identify areas of life that need to be figured out and leveraged for that goal. I need to teach them about the financial world and how they can be generous. I need to teach them about eating healthy, exercise, love, lust, beauty, greed, sex, marriage, friendship, patience, etc. I need to lead them to new experiences and walk with them for the 18 or so years that they are directly in my care and entrusted to me.
I am far more interested in having a healthy and loving relationship with each one of them on an individual level. That means I watch my son kill zombies (aren't zombies already dead) on his video game and listen to him explain all the levels to me. Why? Because it's something that he cares about. I think it's dumb, but I love him and I show that by taking interest in all parts of his life. That means that I take my daughters to Target to pick out shorts. Why? So I can teach them modesty? No, my wife has that one taken care of. I take them because it's a way that I get to spend time with them and let them know that I love them exactly the way that God has created them, and that they are worthy of my time, effort, and thought.
As far as your kids go, well, yes I do judge your parenting by their behavior and I am very sorry. It's very hard for me not to because I am insecure and worried about my own parenting. It helps me to cope with my own shortcomings and perceived failures.
How about another way?
How about we, you and I, do our best to stop judging and start helping.
I'll tell your daughter that she is beautiful and interesting and amazing. There is no boy that is good enough for her. :) You tell my daughter the same thing.
I'll tell your son that he has what it takes and that he has been given everything that he needs to succeed in this life. There is no mountain too tall for him. You tell my son the same thing.
Maybe, we ought to be on the same team.
Instead of judging why don't we spend more time loving and helping? For me, it's incredibly hard to love someone that I make fun of, laugh at, or hate. When I waste my time judging you and your parenting by the 8 minutes that I've seen your kid in the last 8 months then I am not loving you or your child. I don't want to be that guy.
Are you insecure about your parenting? Good. You are probably doing some things wrong. You are also probably doing some things amazingly right. Keep it up and keep wondering how you could do better. Your kids deserve it, no matter how poorly behaved they are :)
Maybe there's a better question...
Why do you need to judge my parenting or the behavior of my child? Let me make another assumption here. If you judge parents and the behavior of their children you feel insecure in your own children and the rightness/wrongness or strength/weakness of your own parenting decisions and actions. I'm not saying that to mock you or make you feel bad. (This isn't a soapbox.) I'm saying that to ease your burden. As Elsa would sing, "let it go."
I am far more interested in guiding my children to find their strengths and their unique gifts, talents, and interests. I believe that my children will change the world. I don't mean that romantically. I mean that my children possess within them an inherent quality to make the world a better place wherever they end up being and however long they end up being there. Your's do too.
I am far more interested in helping my children understand the incredible gift that life is and want to take full advantage of it. In order to do that I want to help them identify areas of life that need to be figured out and leveraged for that goal. I need to teach them about the financial world and how they can be generous. I need to teach them about eating healthy, exercise, love, lust, beauty, greed, sex, marriage, friendship, patience, etc. I need to lead them to new experiences and walk with them for the 18 or so years that they are directly in my care and entrusted to me.
I am far more interested in having a healthy and loving relationship with each one of them on an individual level. That means I watch my son kill zombies (aren't zombies already dead) on his video game and listen to him explain all the levels to me. Why? Because it's something that he cares about. I think it's dumb, but I love him and I show that by taking interest in all parts of his life. That means that I take my daughters to Target to pick out shorts. Why? So I can teach them modesty? No, my wife has that one taken care of. I take them because it's a way that I get to spend time with them and let them know that I love them exactly the way that God has created them, and that they are worthy of my time, effort, and thought.
As far as your kids go, well, yes I do judge your parenting by their behavior and I am very sorry. It's very hard for me not to because I am insecure and worried about my own parenting. It helps me to cope with my own shortcomings and perceived failures.
How about another way?
How about we, you and I, do our best to stop judging and start helping.
I'll tell your daughter that she is beautiful and interesting and amazing. There is no boy that is good enough for her. :) You tell my daughter the same thing.
I'll tell your son that he has what it takes and that he has been given everything that he needs to succeed in this life. There is no mountain too tall for him. You tell my son the same thing.
Maybe, we ought to be on the same team.
Instead of judging why don't we spend more time loving and helping? For me, it's incredibly hard to love someone that I make fun of, laugh at, or hate. When I waste my time judging you and your parenting by the 8 minutes that I've seen your kid in the last 8 months then I am not loving you or your child. I don't want to be that guy.
Are you insecure about your parenting? Good. You are probably doing some things wrong. You are also probably doing some things amazingly right. Keep it up and keep wondering how you could do better. Your kids deserve it, no matter how poorly behaved they are :)
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